“Sticks and Stones and Words that Hurt”
June 3, 2025
The English language has a large and complex vocabulary, with estimates ranging from 1million to over 1.6 million words, depending on how words are counted. Most unabridged dictionaries, contain over 600,000 entries, including obsolete and historical words, whereas dictionaries focused on current usage may have significantly fewer entries. Either way, that’s still a lot of words with which we can do harm or good.
Supposedly of the 600,000 words at our disposal, 300,000 are technical words used by scientists and medical professionals. Of the 300,000 words remaining, most people know 10,000 but typically use only 5,000 in their communication with others. Again, that is still a lot of words with which we offer hurt or hope.
When I was five years old and mastering a two-wheeler, I had a serious encounter with a crack in the sidewalk and a wobbly front wheel, which sent me sailing over the front handle bars of my bike onto a rock in some neighbor’s lawn. The end result was a concussion and the family doctor telling me, “You are one lucky young lady. If you had landed on your head just a little further to the left you most likely would have died.” No matter how hard I try, all these years later, I cannot drum up the physical pain of that accident, but I can still remember the frightening words of my family doctor when he scared me with his words.
Thinking back, I can also recall many mean-spirited taunts launched at others at the bus stop or on a recess playground – “You’re stupid!” “You’re ugly!” And sometimes, even adults got into the act -“You’ll never amount to much.” Ouch, ouch, and ouch! Yet, around that same age of novice bicycling and mean-spirited taunts, I can remember chanting, “Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.” What a lie I believed each time I sang that mantra. The truth was, and still is, that while sticks and stones may break many bones, an unkind word may also break a spirit or scar a heart.
As I got older, I sang along to a Bee Gees song entitled, “SMILE”, whose chorus was, “It’s only words, but words are all I have to take your heart away.” I remember thinking that the guy in the song was pretty ‘cool’ because he did not need a fancy car, trendy clothes, or a lot of cold cash to win the heart of the girl he liked. He simply needed to offer her his words. Regardless of the situation – a playground or dating relationship – our foolish words have the power to wound and our wise words have the power to win the heart of another.
“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18
Most likely we have all been broken by the reckless words of others, and we have all wounded someone else with our rash words, whether intentional or not. How many times have we heard ourselves say something we immediately wished we hadn’t, or heard other people’s words and winced at the impact? Words matter. Words convey meaning. Words remain long after the details of the conversation fade into the shadows of our minds.
In the book of James, the author compares the tongue to a “small spark” that compares the tongue to a “small spark” that can set a great forest on fire (James 3: 5-6). Our words have the devastating power of fire. They can ruin the world, turn harmony into chaos, or throw mud on a reputation. Wars have been ignited, friendships have been irreparably damaged, and marriages have been run off course by fiery words that leave in their wake the devastation of wounded hearts.
Sticks and stones may break my bones – and so, too, our words may break a heart. The difference, though, is that bones broken by sticks and stones will often heal much quicker than hearts broken by words.
What words have offered hurt or hope to you? What words have you used to offer hurt or hope to others?