“Flattery or Rebuke?”
March 15, 2023
Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.
Proverbs 28:23
This proverb reminds me of the classical game, “Would You Rather?” It is a game with a series of questions that ask if you would prefer one thing over another. For example, would you rather have eyes on the back of your head, or eyes on all your fingertips? The questions can be funny, weird, or philosophical, and they are designed to make players think about what they value the most.
I am sure Solomon was not playing any game when he wrote this Proverb, but it does prompt the question, “Would you rather receive flattery or rebuke?” My knee-jerk response would be to choose the first, because I would much rather hear complimentary flattery about how wonderful I am, than to receive words of reproof which bring me to my senses about how I am not so awesome. However, the proverb says that it is better to receive a rebuke than a flattering compliment.
Flattery, by definition, is excessive and insincere praise. The one offering the flattering words typically has ulterior motives that do not involve the best interests of the one receiving the flattery. Rebuke, on the other hand, is to offer words of disapproval or criticism about another’s behavior or actions. While reproof may be difficult to receive, Solomon said receiving rebuke is better than receiving flattery.
I have learned that when someone flatters me, I do not address the sinful patterns of behavior that hinder me from loving God and loving others better. Nothing about flattering words causes me to rethink my inappropriate behavior, and so I continue on in the error of my ways. However, loving rebuke from an honest friend or relative helps me evaluate my ways and encourages me to course correct. The rebuke may hurt at first, but in the end it is far better for helping me to grow morally and spiritually.
Would you rather have one person in your life who will offer rebuke, or 50 whose flattery will only blind you further to your moral and relational blind spots?